[ Akira didn't expect this to be an easy conversation, even though he didn't think they'd have it while burning some herbs. ]
I don't know. [ He can't say no, even if that would have been a more convenient answer. ] I would miss a few opportunities to get to know some people better, though. Besides, someone would spread rumors anyway. It's hard to hide why I transferred there in the first place.
[ Well, if that whole assault thing didn't happen, there's no guarantee he'd come to Tokyo. ]
If Ann or Ryuji had never met me, maybe they would have been happier. Wouldn't that be better for them?
[ Third semester surely was a thing. ]
Shouldn't you focus on making yourself happy first?
( back home he'd be certain of how to rewrite things. find ways to keep the phantom thieves together without needing trauma to bond them.
he could make everything right.
here... well. he can make things better, he's sure of it, but even a familiar like Hastur can't offer him the same amount of control that Azathoth and the collective unconscious would. he needs to figure out the solution to that. )
I—
( oof, that last question hit home, and with the herbs burning and the ritual trying its damnedest to do its job, when Maruki falls silent, his pain screams. the one which has kept him going for so long, kept that fire burning inside of him.
Rumi...
he could never get her back. and what happiness is there without her? )
[ While he didn't mean to go so far, it feels like half-assed measures will get him nowhere with Maruki. His fixation on saving people isn't anything new to Akira, and he even understands it to a certain point. ]
What about your own happiness? Are you going to find it after making everyone happy? What is going to happen next after you reach your goal?
[ Messiah's complex can only get him so far, though Akira holds himself back from judging. If anything, he's the kind of a person who'd make sacrifices for other people as well. ]
( oof, that came out quickly, with the certainty and emphasis of a man who has long since made up his mind on this topic. he has a job to do, a job that's meant to help people — not just the people of Japan, but his fellow mental health workers, the ones overextended and underfunded. he can't be asked to shoulder the burden of the power Azathoth gave him and not do something great with it.
one life, for a whole country — a whole planet's happiness? isn't that a bargain? )
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no subject
Date: 2021-09-12 12:00 pm (UTC)I don't know. [ He can't say no, even if that would have been a more convenient answer. ] I would miss a few opportunities to get to know some people better, though. Besides, someone would spread rumors anyway. It's hard to hide why I transferred there in the first place.
[ Well, if that whole assault thing didn't happen, there's no guarantee he'd come to Tokyo. ]
If Ann or Ryuji had never met me, maybe they would have been happier. Wouldn't that be better for them?
[ Third semester surely was a thing. ]
Shouldn't you focus on making yourself happy first?
no subject
Date: 2021-09-19 06:03 pm (UTC)he could make everything right.
here... well. he can make things better, he's sure of it, but even a familiar like Hastur can't offer him the same amount of control that Azathoth and the collective unconscious would. he needs to figure out the solution to that. )
I—
( oof, that last question hit home, and with the herbs burning and the ritual trying its damnedest to do its job, when Maruki falls silent, his pain screams. the one which has kept him going for so long, kept that fire burning inside of him.
Rumi...
he could never get her back. and what happiness is there without her? )
no subject
Date: 2021-09-26 11:08 am (UTC)What about your own happiness? Are you going to find it after making everyone happy? What is going to happen next after you reach your goal?
[ Messiah's complex can only get him so far, though Akira holds himself back from judging. If anything, he's the kind of a person who'd make sacrifices for other people as well. ]
the continuing cw of "maruki is a depression metaphor"
Date: 2021-10-12 08:22 pm (UTC)( oof, that came out quickly, with the certainty and emphasis of a man who has long since made up his mind on this topic. he has a job to do, a job that's meant to help people — not just the people of Japan, but his fellow mental health workers, the ones overextended and underfunded. he can't be asked to shoulder the burden of the power Azathoth gave him and not do something great with it.
one life, for a whole country — a whole planet's happiness? isn't that a bargain? )