"After the crash, I-" Maya paused trying to formulate exactly what she felt, and why she felt it. Differentiating what was her, and what was the depression. A line that was blurry on the best of days. "One of my friends was in a coma, he'd woken up and was recovering. My ex and my friends had all moved on, but I was- stuck. They were happy, and all I did was drag them down."
And it was my fault, that the crash even happened.
This wasn't the whole story, but even taking into account that he's a therapist, which meant she trusted he was used to this. Some burdens she just couldn't talk about so quickly. Some things lingered deep in her heart and it took serious effort for her to carry them to the surface. But, she needed help, and at least the immediate 'do not relapse and try to kill herself' was the more pressing matter anyway. "Bad things keep happening around me," because of me, "And I couldn't help any of them, all I did was make things worse." By existing.
He wouldn't be so sure all of her friends were happy after such a thing, but that's something he keeps to himself. There's no need to muddy the waters that way. Instead, they should talk about that last statement.
(Yes, hypocrisy is about to abound, here.)
"I see..." Nijima-san said something similar, didn't she, the day she dropped by. It felt like she couldn't do anything right, always trying to live up to the expectations adults placed on her shoulders because she seemed responsible. "Were you asked to help in these situations?"
For now, he wants to get a better grasp on the things bothering Maya.
"...No." There's a resignation to that admission. Maya's never asked to help, not where it counts. She helps because she can't consider the alternative. "They'd ask me for help writing musicals and editing recordings. But the stuff that really matters nobody asks me."
I just do it.
"I- kinda just throw myself at people's problems. I have for a while." She's usually right, and wrong, when she does this. Right because she's aware someone needs to intervene. Do something, try to stop the oncoming tragedy. And then she's wrong to do it herself. Plus the one time she did it right is the one time it went the worst. "Which I know I shouldn't do."
But what else can I do, if nobody asks me to help?
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And it was my fault, that the crash even happened.
This wasn't the whole story, but even taking into account that he's a therapist, which meant she trusted he was used to this. Some burdens she just couldn't talk about so quickly. Some things lingered deep in her heart and it took serious effort for her to carry them to the surface. But, she needed help, and at least the immediate 'do not relapse and try to kill herself' was the more pressing matter anyway. "Bad things keep happening around me," because of me, "And I couldn't help any of them, all I did was make things worse." By existing.
no subject
(Yes, hypocrisy is about to abound, here.)
"I see..." Nijima-san said something similar, didn't she, the day she dropped by. It felt like she couldn't do anything right, always trying to live up to the expectations adults placed on her shoulders because she seemed responsible. "Were you asked to help in these situations?"
For now, he wants to get a better grasp on the things bothering Maya.
no subject
I just do it.
"I- kinda just throw myself at people's problems. I have for a while." She's usually right, and wrong, when she does this. Right because she's aware someone needs to intervene. Do something, try to stop the oncoming tragedy. And then she's wrong to do it herself. Plus the one time she did it right is the one time it went the worst. "Which I know I shouldn't do."
But what else can I do, if nobody asks me to help?